Aren’t I always working on something? Life is funny like that. A constant series of steps towards self-improvement. Do we ever get it figured out? Maybe. But maybe that would be enlightenment, but then we probably die or something like that so I am okay with continuing to work on stuff.

I do think that whether it is playing guitar, mediation, cooking, or riding a bike, practicing makes us better at it. Which, should go without saying, but having worked with a six year-old who is learning piano, I can tell you, they do not believe that practice makes better is the case. Getting him to do anything three times in a row was (and still is) a challenge (and he is 18 now). If he can’t ‘master it’ the first time through, getting him to do it multiple times through is difficult. Multiple times through on multiple days is impossible.

That said, I suffer the same affliction, but often my lack of mastery has to do with a couple things. One of which is taking on too many things (at once) and having too many other commitments going on at once. Whether it is things I have signed up for or whether it is just ‘life’ stuff (cooking, cleaning, appointments, parenting, estate management, etc). There is always something that comes up that takes me away from something I want to do or learn.

Like life-ing! I started this post at 5am July 2nd and completing it at 5pm July 3rd!

Which brings me to the point of this post. Skill I want to work on…

Listening to my body.

Our body tells us all kinds of things. When we are hungry. When we have to pee. When we are thirsty. When we need a hug. When someone in our life isn’t so good for us. When we are in pain. When we are in agony. When we are short of breath. When we are actually gasping for air. However, we are masters at dismissing our own signals.

Monday night, I started getting a weird pain in my back. It felt ‘lumpy’, like my chair was digging into my back. I couldn’t shake it. By morning, it was a stabbing, radiating ache that spread around my side to my chest. I had a hard time breathing (I assumed from pain). Tuesday night, I couldn’t lay down without immense agony. Managing less than two hours of fitful sleep. Repeat this exercise Wednesday.

To my credit, I did call my doctor’s office first thing Thursday morning. They couldn’t see me until the 17th of July. I knew I couldn’t wait that long. But what do I do? HealthLink figured I was having a heart attack and to call 911. <eye roll> It wasn’t a heart attack.

But I still was not listening to the signs. I figured it was just a back problem but I did finally decide to go to emergency because I knew, in 12 hours time, I would regret not trying to get help, the pain was that intense and that terrible. My people know, if I am complaining and willing to sit in emergency, my pain is bad.

Well, I learned, I should learn to listen to my body. Pulmonary Embolism. Not one, but two. A matched set. One in each lung. Say what? I guess the pain in my leg from a couple months ago was something but we didn’t get to it in time before it split off and went for a fantastic voyage through my body.

So this month, I am going to start to pay special attention to my body, my inner voice, and not just brush it off. ❤

PS Prognosis is positive. Still waiting for more information, but I am resting at home with good pain management and blood thinners as I wait to hear from the Thrombosis clinic.