Have you seen the movie “Groundhog’s Day”? In the movie, Bill Murray relives the same day, over and over and over again. It is a nightmarish comedy that he cannot escape. He learns to play the piano, learns about the town he is stuck in, gets to know his coworkers, saves the townspeople. While it is a romantic comedy, it is more than that, a story of getting to know oneself, one’s purpose, and how when we get to see the true self, we can escape our binds and move forward. He does finally escape, moving forward with his leading lady and the possibility of a date, and she is impressed with his sudden genuineness.

My story isn’t quite so… enlightening.

Before the blind date I talk about in Memory #38, I went on a few others. Most were not all that memorable. Coffee dates, a meet in the park for a walk, or a quick bite somewhere (usually cheap, I didn’t have much money). This particular occasion, this guy had me meet him at his building as he was moving. He explained he had to move out of his campus housing that day, but we’d had such a great conversation on the phone, he was so eager to meet me, that he could not wait. He told me we’d move a couple of the last boxes, and we’d grab something to eat, his treat. He was a university student, sounded witty, charming, and by his physical description, sounded like someone I would like.

I was frank. I was tall, plus sized, had long dark hair, and green eyes. I never lied about how I looked. I am constantly told I undersell myself, but I figure that’s probably better than overselling. I did not have a job yet, as I had just moved to the city, but he liked my humour and wit and didn’t seem bothered that I wasn’t in university.

His building was just a few blocks from my apartment, so I walked over and rang the buzzer. “Be right down!” He was eager. He swung the door open and stopped. “Hey.” was all he said. I said a cheerful hello and tried to engage in the natural conversation we’d had the night before, when we’d spoken until almost 2am. He did not seem interested. I double checked to make sure it was indeed him.

It was. “I have a few more things to move. You don’t mind helping, do you?” He asked. I indicated that it was not a problem and that I would be happy to help. Several boxes, two end tables, and a couch later, he was moved. By then, he said, he was running late and no longer had time to take me out for lunch. We parted ways and I never heard from him again.

Let us fast forward through time a few years. To a time post me leaving my first husband… Back on the dating site, trying to figure out what kind of person I may find myself dating now. Clearly, someone completely opposite of what I had just walked away from. What did that look like? Very good question. There were a couple of strange ones, ones I wasn’t interested in, but I was always polite.

I was now sort of blonde, thinner, moderately more kick-ass (faux confident), and almost in my mid-twenties. I was employed, living alone for the first time in my life and figuring myself out. He was a university graduate, I don’t remember what he did, but it was good, I suppose. I do not even remember what we did, but we met near the university campus for a quick lunch.

“Have you been on the dating site long?” He asked, as we hadn’t spoken much on the phone, both of us busy with work to spend much time chit-chatting on the telephone.

“Not really. I’ve been out once or twice.” I answered, not thinking it was much of his business. “You?” I asked, to be polite.

“Sure, I’ve been on it for years.” he laughed.

I didn’t really find that funny, but clearly, he did.

“Any reason?” I asked.

“I come and go on it. You meet all kinds. I met this fat cow on here years ago! She totally said she was just plus sized, but she was so much bigger. I totally got her fat ass to move me out of my building.” he laughed and laughed. “She was sweating like a pig at the end. Me and my buddy just howled when she left. I was going to take her to McD’s for lunch after, but I only had $20.”

I almost choked. He clearly didn’t recognize me. While I had lost some weight, it was only about twenty pounds. I wasn’t sure what to do, I was certain I was the girl he was talking about. What were the odds I was out to lunch with the same jerk?

I looked at him. It had been about four years, I didn’t really recognize him, though he looked somewhat familiar. Did I excuse myself and walk out? Say something about being the girl at the butt of his joke? Grin and bear it?

I sat there feeling like an idiot. Incredulous of his cruelty. A predator, sitting on a dating site and only scratching the surface of relationships he’d never experience. Looking back through a distorted lens of thirty years of hindsight, I think of him sitting somewhere, perhaps surrounded by his family. I wonder daughter of his ever experienced this herself. I hope not.