You never know when you last meal with someone will be. The night before Mom’s surgery, October 27, she wanted A&W. A Mama burger (with cheese) with fries, and a Sprite. We watched an episode of original Star Trek – Cloud Minders, I think. She ate the burger, half of the fries and only a bit of the Sprite. She sat in the big chair at my house, read her book, napped, and was quiet. We chatted a bit. It was a quiet evening. My sister called – a little later than her usual 6pm because I’d texted her and told her we were eating at 6. They had a quick call – I know Mom appreciated my sister’s regular evening calls.

I didn’t know I’d never have dinner with her again. I would have suggested something nicer. But Mom liked A&W. She often picked that when I went to stay with her. It wasn’t my first choice, but I didn’t much care, as long as Mom was happy. I joked that Mom had only a couple of places she liked. Smitty’s, A&W, and Swiss Chalet. She was a creature of habit.

I have had many a good dinners with my husband too. Sometime this year we made a pretty regular habit of going out together. Something we’ve not done – ever – in our 27 years together. We go for a couple drinks, wings and appetizers. Sometimes we order dinner or share a pizza. And we talk – about our day, the week. Share memories from our years together. Or discuss the future – where to go on holidays, what is coming up for the week.

Finally, we recently had dinner out (albeit at like 4pm, so my niece called it Grandpa Dinner) with my sister and brother-in-law (and my niece). While we’ve had many a family gather meal with them, this was the first time (in recent memory) that my husband or I could remember having a dinner with them in a restaurant in a really (really) long time (if not ever). I am sure my sister will correct me if she can think of a time I am forgetting.

It was the day we went to the funeral home to make Mom’s arrangements. We needed some decompress time after that heaviness. It wasn’t super celebratory, but it was good to just spend some time together. Unfortunately, our brother couldn’t make it that day.

Loss brings things into perspective, sadly. Though, I was at my Mom’s frequently and we shared many a pizza on a Saturday night or had Saturday morning breakfast at Smitty’s with my sister after shopping, food brings us together. It is a running joke in our family that there aren’t many family pictures unless someone is stuffing their face.

Share food. Share joy. Share love.