A decision that changed your life in a positive way.

While this is still a ‘work in progress’, a few years ago, I realized I was waiting for life to start. A weird realization for a 40something to realized, I know.

It is kind of hard to explain. I was living life, going through the day-to-day, but I didn’t feel like I was living the life I wanted. It was like I was watching life happen. Now, of course, I don’t think any one person is living the exact life they envision. Finances, responsibilities, familial commitment – all sorts of things get in the way of ‘living the dream’. But I was just existing, not doing things I enjoyed or seeing those people who filled my cup (so to speak). Not fulfilling the hopes, goals, or dreams I had always wanted to do.

And damn it, my clock was ticking. My clock is ticking.

So I made a decision and I don’t know if it was a conscious decision or more of a passive one, but I realized I needed to start taking a hold of my life and stop living it for everyone else. Because when I make my journey to Valhalla, Heaven, or when I came back as my granddaughter’s goldfish, I want to say I lived right.

This is a work in progress, but it meant putting on my own oxygen mask first (sometimes). I’ve tried to make time for myself to make music. Time to be creative. Time to write. I’ve taken some yoga classes and I spent a good part of 2024 taking a series of Women’s Circle classes learning how to take my power back. From who? Mostly myself because I just left it beside the bed, or under the dustpan.

I forgot who I was a long time ago and some of this decision is remembering who that is. As my niece said last year on her birthday… “You’re fun Aunty!” Because I am fun, I just forgot how to be. It is about being less uptight and having popcorn for dinner because I can. It is about remembering that life can start at any age and while I have to pay bills, save for retirement, and make sure my kid eats his vegetables, I am not the only adult in the house, I have a pension plan, and the kid is 17, he knows he has to eat vegetables once and a while.

While 2025 has been a bitch of year so far, I know I will once again get back to figuring out ‘me’ and all the joy that entails. It isn’t an all or nothing proposal because it is about balance. I can be both, I just need to figure out how to wear both shoes and socks!

Post inspired by 30 Days of Gratitude by Ordinary & Happy