Something you’ve overcome that once felt impossible.

I have some health challenges. Generally, I don’t speak about them too often. Not ‘publicly’ at any rate. Privately, amongst my family, I will sometimes complain, generally about pain, but that’s often because I suffer from chronic pain and it is very plain to see when I’ve gone further than is comfortable.

Now to say I’ve actually ‘overcome’ this is probably a misstep. I will never really overcome this because there is truly absolutely nothing that can be done. I’ve seen the specialist(s), talked to the best.

I have something called Charcot foot. In both feet, which is exceedingly uncommon. It is also rarely seen in someone without diabetes. By the time it was actually diagnosed, it was ‘end stage’ in both feet, with gross deformity already in progress, in fact, so progressed, that I couldn’t wear normal footwear. I was, but it was excruciatingly painful to walk and I couldn’t walk very far. But I pushed on, because to do otherwise meant I was just being lazy.

What is Charcot foot? In short, the bones in my feet have shift, from the top to the bottom. They have fused, what hasn’t has started to disintegrate. The bones are trying to push out the bottoms of my feet. The arch to my feet are gone. If you Google it, you can see pictures, I wouldn’t, it isn’t pretty. Couple that with advanced Rheumatoid Arthritis and the fact I walk at all is pretty impressive.

They have told me it is likely the fact my RA was uncontrolled, coupled with the nerve damage from Spinal Fusion #1 that caused the Charcot Foot. But in actual fact, it is the three doctors that I saw that didn’t listen to my complaints of “pains in my feet” that landed me here. From 2016 to 2019, I complained to my general physician, my rheumatologist, and my neuro/orthopedic surgeon about the pain/loss of feeling in my feet. In 2018, they did a nerve conduction study which (surprise, surprise) told them I had signalling issues down my legs. This led to a six level revision and fusion to my spine in February 2019. That would fix it! They told me.

It didn’t.

In July 2019, walked into my GP’s office, sat down, took my socks off and said “LOOK! SOMETHING ISN’T RIGHT. HELP ME.” He sent me for x-rays. Not an hour later, as I was driving back to the farm, the office called me.

“The doctor needs to see you right away. Can you come back tomorrow?”

“Uh. Yes.”

That’s when I learned I might have five years left to walk. In January 2021, I met with the leading orthopedic surgeon. She told me there is nothing they can do. There isn’t enough left of the bones in me feet for them to fix. Reconstruction isn’t an option because they’re isn’t anything to reconstruct. They cannot fuse anything because there isn’t anything left to fuse together.

When the doctor first gave me the diagnosis and the ‘five year’ speal, I felt like the world was ending. I didn’t know how I was going to make it through… It felt like my life had been stolen. Again. Life was happening to me and it was out of control.

In July, it will be six years. I am still walking, it is mostly for necessity. I can no longer walk my dogs, or stroll aimlessly but I can do a bit of grocery shopping, and today, I went out with my sister-in-law. While we didn’t wander the mall, we did go to our favourite clothing store and out for lunch. I use a cane, though some of the balance issues aren’t tied to my feet. But I don’t feel so overwhelmed. It did not win. While the Charcot foot is still progressing, I am still managing with it. Some days, the pain is blinding. But with the love and support I have around me, and with my strength and determination, I am grateful for the full life I have. I feel it is possible to keep moving forward and not let it beat me down.

Post inspired by 30 Days of Gratitude by Ordinary & Happy