A unique positive life experience you’ve had.

This may seem a little weird at first, but stick with me…

I’ve mentioned before I was married when I just weeks before I turned 23, divorced at 24. I mentioned my (ex) mother-in-law was quite the pickle of a lady who, for the most part, despised me. She ruled our marriage, controlled our money, and dominated our lives. While I was a pretty normal, decent woman, she decided I was evil and nowhere good enough for her son… Who, I haven’t mentioned ran away from home, totalled his car somewhere in the United Stated – where he fled in order to meet some random girl he met on the internet (before you could even send pictures), the girl, who rejected him, took his money, and essentially made fun of him and turned him away. Did I mention he also flunked out of college?

But I was the problem!?

Positive life experience – yes, let’s get to that.

When we separated, I was categorically unhappy. I felt trapped, alone, and abandoned. My (ex) husband was married to his mother. I had no involvement in the decision making. I was given a strict allowance for groceries and got $5 a week for spending money (this was 1998). $20 per month to do with what I pleased. I got a better allowance when I was in high school. I tried talking to him about it. Repeatedly. He got angry, hostile, and defensive.

In July of 1998, I ended our marriage. I could not do it anymore. I ended up staying with my sister for a bit, moved back in with him until we could end our lease a couple months later and settle our affairs. Which included ‘dividing’ our property.

In that time, his mother and father – who co-signed the loan for our new car (the one my (ex) husband was not allowed *by law* to drive due to a special rider on my insurance (because of his accident)) managed to ‘swipe’ the loan from under me and by the time I moved out, I was ‘car-less’. While I could not afford it, it was the principle.

So… I bought a new to me used car. I rented my first apartment (on my own). I got my first utilities all in my own name. I got new furniture – sort of. The furniture we had were ‘gifts’, I hated it, wasn’t my style, but again, it was his mother’s decision to buy some stuff because they needed a sofa bed for family coming from England. So we ended up with it. They wanted to sell our furniture to my mother when we separated. But I didn’t want my Mom having to buy my furniture so I bought my own furniture. Mom gave me an old set from the farm, smaller in scale for my tiny apartment.

I laugh at all of this – because it is absolutely ridiculous. I laughed at everything then (except the car – I was blindsided by the car).

But I was so liberated by this separation! Getting my own place! My own life! My own identity! I loved it. It was a tiny, post World War II apartment complex in an older area of my city. The rents were fantastic, and in fact, my parents lived in one just like it after they married! The rent was around $375 a month (I just checked – they are still available, and are now just under $1000 for the same floor plan – which is 500 sq. ft.).

Being on my own, for the first time in my life, was amazing. From grocery shopping and cooking for just me, to reading each night, crafting, doing what I wanted (when I wanted), it all seemed so surreal to be who I wanted!

AND DATING! Thinking back made me smile. So many ‘first dates’… Most were just a coffee or a quick meal (there were some weirdos) but I’d never really dated much in high school, and my ex-husband was kind of the the second person I’d dated when I moved to the city, so I never really had that experience.

While starting over may not seem like a positive life experience, for me, it was one of the best things to happen. Sure, there were sad times, I didn’t really get married with the intention of getting divorced. I meant to get married once, but I also learned a lot from that marriage and about myself.

Post inspired by 30 Days of Gratitude by Ordinary & Happy