A goal you reached that once felt impossible.

Attending post secondary school.

As a high-school drop-out with sub-par grades, I honestly once felt attending any kind of post secondary education was well beyond my ability. I spent most of my high school career believing I was far too stupid to ever get beyond “Do you want fries with that?” Though I had ambition, I lacked dedication, commitment, and (probably) drive. I drifted aimlessly, unsure of what to do.

What did I do? Sold credit cards, on commision, at Zeller’s (the precursor to WalMart). I made exactly $1.50 per application, $3.00 *if* they signed up for the credit card insurance. Thank goodness I still lived at home because it was mostly famine. It was a terrible job. Some days I did okay, most days, I did not. People did not want to sign up for store credit cards.

Eventually, I got a job in a warehouse, picking and shipping sewing supplies. It paid a regular wage, it was hard work with lots of lifting and walking, but it was Monday to Friday, 7:30am to 4:00pm with weekends off! One couldn’t really ask for a better job. Within a couple years, I was the assistant manager of the warehouse. This provided a raise, medical benefits, and paid vacation! Not bad for a drop-out.

But I had started to realize I wanted more. I needed more. I wasn’t nearly as stupid as I thought I was. Not even close. I’d moved away from the town I had grown up in, made new friends, and was dating my husband. Life was very different for me now. I aspired for more.

I had started taking classes in the evening, just general interest, but in art and interior design and found I had a pretty good sense of things. Through the warehouse, I’d learned a lot about myself and my talents and I had discovered I had some skills I never knew about. I had also learned I didn’t think I wanted to be a mid-level manager of a warehouse for the rest of my life either.

Through the evening classes, I had learned about an interior design technology program at the local technical college. While I was serious lacking some of the prerequisites, it was highly appealing. All was not lost, the same college offered a customized upgrading program as well. As an “adult learner”, I would likely qualify for entry.

On one particularly difficult day at the warehouse, I applied. While I had mentioned returning to school to my husband (who was then my boyfriend), I hadn’t really officially discussed it with him at length. Needless to say, it was a source of tension between us. When I was accepted… Well, I now needed to figure out how I was going to pay for it! (Spoiler alert: I sold my car)

The upgrading program was essentially high school in eight months. No one saw me. Including the man I lived with. I lived and breathed school. When I wasn’t at school, I was studying. When April came and the program ended, I had finished at the top of the class. I won several bursaries for outstanding academic performance.

Not bad for the stupid kid I thought I was. While it wasn’t a breeze, I excelled in math and physics (odd, considering I did remedial math and science in high school) and had my choice of programs. Sticking with what I went there to do, I enrolled in the Interior Design Technology program for the fall. When it commenced, I missed a lot over the next two years, because I was always studying, but I again finished strong, won another bursary, and went on to build a strong career.

Here is a secret I am not sure I ever admitted before.

I wasn’t sure I could do it. Of course I wanted to do it, but I did not really know if I could. Many times in high school, I’d stepped through the doors of the school with a “today is a new day” attitude, with the determination that I was going to do better! And for a couple days, I’d kill it. But I would eventually lose my resolve, get distracted, or forget and I’d fail. Would college be any different!?

Many said “When you pay for it, it means more!” I don’t think that was it at all. It wasn’t the series of dead end jobs. I could have changed jobs.

I think it was timing. Support. Interest. Even after 25 years since graduating, I love what I do. My interior design was never throw pillows and paint colours (though I can do that), and I made my own niche in my field. I learned to grow into who I needed to be and I had the room to do it. I was 25 when I went back to school. I’d been out on my own a while, this choice was mine. It was mine to screw up or succeed at.

And there were times it felt impossible. Like art history. When all but a handful of us failed the mid-term (I passed, with like 60%, even though I spent every spare second for a week studying). The countless 4am mornings putting design boards together for an impossible woman who never saw my vision for sustainable design (guess what – compostable toilets ARE a thing now, even if they weren’t 24 years ago).

For all the 17 year olds on the edge, who don’t think they can… Guess what, you can. And you will find your stride, in your time. As a Mom myself now, I have to remember that too. It is really hard to witness, because it was a struggle – those years between 17 and 25 – selling oil changes door to door in -30C sucked, but that is your lesson to learn. I just have to believe, as I once believed in myself.

Post inspired by 30 Days of Gratitude by Ordinary & Happy