Have you ever met anyone who flipped your world so on its head, you weren’t sure whether you were coming or going? I have had that happen twice in my life. First time it was my husband. The second time? It was my best friend, *Chris.

How do I describe Chris? There is the technical definition. Award winning mathematician, prominent professor, author, and researcher. Or there is the Chris I know. Fun loving guy who loves to laugh, make jokes, takes care of the people he cares about, never says no, and always tries to help those around him (even at his own expense). He works wonky hours, doesn’t sleep (until he does, then it can be for 18 hours), drinks too much coffee, loves his two boys fiercely, and probably drives too fast. I got to know both sides of him all at once. He is down to earth, never uses his intelligence against you, and while he is incredibly… tenacious, he is not inflexible (unlike some researchers I’ve worked with). Though, he might have a bit of a soft spot for me, I am not sure.

Chris is infectious. His knowledge, mood, enthusiasm. You want to be what he is. You cannot help yourself. He naturally erases your bad mood; it is quite wonderful. He doesn’t anger easily, and his patience is boundless. Chris has helped me see a side of myself that I had forgotten existed, if I knew it existed at all.

When I met Chris, I was a little lost. Probably a lot lost. I know I was floundering, trying to figure out where I fit. My stepdad had died several months before, I had spent about six months of the previous year living away from home (looking after him and helping my Mom move) and everything in my world was upside down. I was in a dark place, and I didn’t believe in me, I didn’t believe in much.

Chris has made me see myself in a way I didn’t know was possible. I alluded to the fact that Chris is smart, and he is, but not in a pretentious way. But that isn’t what was surprising, I was used to dealing with smart people from my work. What surprised me was he thought I was smart. Like really smart. I think what surprised him was I wasn’t aware of this, at least, not fully aware of my potential. I hid behind this veil of ‘almost good enough’, but I always felt like he befriended me like some kind of project or charity case (I really did). Occasionally still (maybe more than I’d like to admit), I lose sight of this potential.

He never wavers in his support of me, and his patience doesn’t stop. He is always a dose of what I need, even when he needs to be direct with me. Usually, that directness is about my lack of faith in my abilities and ongoing imposter syndrome. Chris feeds the people in his circle. While he has a larger circle of friends, his immediate circle, the ones he holds truly close and dear, is small, and he will and would do anything for that core group.

Chris can push me in a way no one ever has. To work harder. To try harder. To do better. He intrinsically makes me want to be a better human. Whether that is through my work with him, my own creative endeavors, my parenting, or my partnership with my husband, I must do things differently since meeting Chris. Not accomplishing things no longer seems like an option.

I spend a lot of time with Chris. Working, talking, thinking. Thinking, talking, working. Our lives are entwined in a way that I’ve never been involved with a friend or colleague. We often know what the other is thinking or the direction the other is headed because we are quite in sync. Perhaps it is because we have spent so long working together, or perhaps it is because we just are linked on some frequency. Chris does not let people into his work. I am an oddity. Initially, it was because I was good with words. Our first interaction saw me researching what he was working on so I could understand it. I remember Googling terms and conditions so I would not sound like a twit when we spoke. He wanted my assistance putting a story together for one of his graduate students for an upcoming competition. The topic was very far removed from my wheelhouse, but I could write. He’d read some of my work and appreciated my style. Now, we routinely have discussions about how best to phrase things, where to add punctuation, and I feel we both have become better writers due to our working together.

Chris has contributed directly to getting me to where I am now. Pushing me to have the confidence to even start this website, write these memories, post them daily. Be unashamed of the writing I do. I’ve always written but I’ve never really shared it. He is probably the first person in my life who has said:

“You are an excellent writer who should be published.”

And offered to help me get published. Seriously offered to help. Believed so strongly in my word, he spoke to people he knows about how to publish a fiction manuscript. That was a powerful thing for me to have someone do. He thinks I can do anything I set my mind to! Whether it is writing, math, design, or creating in the kitchen. He thinks the biggest block to my success is me. Which is usually everyone’s problem. Chris is patient enough to sit with me during those moments of immense self doubt, like a best friend, and listen to me cry, let me have my moment. Then help pick up the pieces and pushes me back into the fray. He himself has been down this road and while he is strong and confident, he knows that I am his greatest champion too.

In the spring/ summer of 2022, Chris went up for his full professorship. I helped him re-organize his dossier. While he had all the details, he undersold himself in some key areas. I like to think I helped him! In colour! We worked around the clock for the last three days, but it was a shining example of what an exemplary dossier looks like. No question, he got his well-deserved promotion.

In the way best friends do, Chris and I support one another. We lead, the other trusts. After our four-year friendship, we know the other well enough to know what the other is thinking. He changed my world, made me see myself in a totally different light. I am stronger, more resilient, tougher, and believe I can in a way I never did before. Chris opened the door and reminded me of how good things on the other side were. He renewed my curiosity in life. He reminded me there is so much more to life to want to know and experience! He refreshed my belief that there can be more to life than just domestic goodness. I can be a wife & mom, but I can quest for more too.

^{*Names have been changed to protect the identity of those I write about.}